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Are You Happy? Ebony Asks Black Girls

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For too long, African-American ladies and their sexual wants have been ignored. Over the decades, media-glorified research have claimed to interrupt new ground in regard to sexuality, however they seldom addressed the wants and issues of African-American women. In actual fact, research that addressed Black women normally targeted on transmission of illness.

Ebony magazine readers needed to know more. What turns us on, what turns us off? Where do we go when we now have issues or questions? What are our major issues and issues?

In response to the thousands of reader queries the magazine continued to get, Ebony undertook a serious examine to answer a few of these questions. The survey outcomes had been revealed in October 2004. The journal needed to listen to about the problems that affect the quality of black women's lives and relationships. Ebony has commissioned Hope Ashby, Ph.D., a psychotherapist based in New York City, to help design a groundbreaking new sex survey that delved into the hearts and intercourse lives of Black ladies. And there are solutions that can result in a healthier, extra fulfilling intercourse life. In the end, they hoped to shed some gentle on personal issues and let black women know that they are not alone; other girls have the same issues that you simply do.

Here, Dr. Ashby, affords some insight into Black women and sexuality.

Question: What are the sexuality problems affecting Black women?

Dr. Ashby: A serious sexuality downside facing Black ladies at the moment is HIV/AIDS. There may be quite a lot of misinformation or just nonexistent details about anorgasmia, low libido, painful sex and even easy things such because the effect of hormones on sexual functioning. Another is the lack of data obtainable in our communities.

Query: Are there sexuality points that have an effect on Black women extra so than other girls?

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Dr. Ashby: A continuous complaint about their companions not desirous to wear condoms. Black girls additionally deliver up the shortcoming to have an orgasm and low or lost libido as White ladies do.

Question: Are there elements of sexuality that Black girls seem to take pleasure in a bonus?

Dr. Ashby: I feel that the one advantage that Black women have is high body esteem. We are typically extra snug in our our bodies, particularly Black ladies who are plus-size. Having a high body esteem helps to boost one's sexual feelings about herself.

Query: When a Black girl has an issue with intercourse, the place does she go for assist and advice?

Dr. Ashby: Black women tend to go to their associates; it is rare that they go to their docs with intercourse points as a result of they're unaware that there's assist out there for a majority of these problems. Some medical docs are beginning to hearken to their patients' sexuality complaints and study the realm of sexual medication. There are professionals, like myself, who concentrate on sexually related points and may help.

Question: For individuals who aren't comfy speaking to their companions, what recommendation do you've gotten?

Dr. Ashby: At first, don't choose to start having these conversations when you are about to have sex. Are there fantasies he would like to explore? It is crucial to begin these conversations in a impartial, non-threatening place, especially if you have not been having orgasms and you have been faking. Begin by asking your partner what he thinks about your intercourse life. That is the flawed time.

Question: How do history and culture affect our sexuality?

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Dr. Ashby: Throughout White history, Black women have been portrayed in two paradigms--that of Jezebel and that of "mammy." Jezebel being the slut, promiscuous woman and "mammy" being completely asexual but all the time passive and caretaking. This traumatic history is still an unconscious remnant in the lives of Black women. One other aspect of Black historical past that is tied to those paradigms is that as slaves Black ladies had been usually raped and sodomized by their masters, and likewise offered off from their households. This message can be pervasive in American tradition. Little women are taught that intercourse is to be saved for marriage with out ever hearing any mention of enjoyment. Because Black women have typically been looked at by these two lenses, it has been tough for us to find middle ground. It will get conveyed in a subtle manner that pleasure is reserved for your companion and that you are the conveyer of that pleasure. How are you able to be a snug sexual being whenever you may very well be perceived as a slut? Thus Black girls are sometimes caught between being a "good girl" (nonsexual), or a "dangerous lady" (sexual).

Question: Why do some Black women feel dangerous or "soiled" about initiating intercourse with their mate?

Dr. Ashby: It is an issue of feeling they are not entitled to pleasure and not recognizing themselves as sexual beings with needs of their very own. This additionally goes again to how gifts are socialized in American society. Boys, however, are socialized to assume that they will have sex with anyone at any time and that it is their proper to take action. Some ladies are socialized to suppose that sex is dirty and that only unhealthy things can come of it in the event you engage in sex.

Query: Primarily based in your analysis, how do Black ladies feel about oral intercourse and anal intercourse?

Dr. Ashby: Black girls are more comfy as we speak than they were just a few years in the past in giving and receiving oral sex. Anal intercourse is still relatively taboo for Black ladies. I normally hear about male partners having problems giving oral sex.

Query: What can mothers do to verify their daughters are informed about sex?

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Dr. Ashby: It's imperative that mothers sit down with their daughters and speak about sex and sexuality. Adolescence is a time for experimentation; adolescents question their intercourse enchantment, whether or not they are gay, straight, or bisexual, whether oral intercourse is "sex," and how you can go about it. Although the information is accessible, youngsters still need and search steerage from the ones they trust most--their mother and father. Being open and trustworthy along with your teen is key to impacting their habits.

Query: Are Black women today extra comfy in accepting their lesbianism?

Dr. Ashby: From many conversations with my patients, it appears that evidently Black ladies are rather more comfortable than they have been a number of years ago about accepting their lesbianism, but it is still a battle. My patients state that the African-American community nonetheless has issue accepting and dealing with the gay and lesbian subpopulation. This comes with a number of challenges that White lesbians do not must face. Black lesbians are confronted with a triple handicap--being Black, female and a lesbian.

Question: Many ladies are concerned about whether sexual want decreases during menopause. Does it?

Dr. Ashby: The fantastic factor about being human is that we are all different and a few are lucky to not have a decrease in sexual actions. I have seen some women who're barely affected by the modifications brought on by menopause and others whose lives are fully devastated by the hormonal imbalance.

Query: Why is HIV affecting Black girls disproportionately?

Dr. Ashby: As a result of many are partaking in sexual exercise without condoms. In case your man won't put on a condom, there are methods you can protect your self. Thirdly, abstinence is at all times an option till you discover that someone who will respect you and your physique. First, there's a feminine condom available; secondly, there are nonoxynol-9 spermicides that can be inserted into the vagina previous to intercourse. Many ladies I see as patients say that their man won't wear a condom as a result of it "feels" higher; or if she insists that he wears one, he accuses her of cheating. The final word type of caring and respect is when someone locations your emotions and needs above their own.

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Query: How do Black ladies approach masturbation and sex toys? Are there emotions of guilt?

Dr. Ashby: Masturbation remains to be somewhat taboo for Black girls as it is seen as "soiled." My patients have mentioned they're embarrassed to seek out intercourse toys and feel that buying them would make them seem "unfastened." Sex therapists have had their patients use sex toys both with a companion or alone as a approach to figure out what turns them on and what turns them off.

Query: If there is one message about sexuality that you just would like to deliver to African-American ladies around the nation, what would that be?

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Dr. Ashby: I believe the message I wish to deliver to both African-American and African Sisters is that you are a lot greater than disease carriers and baby-makers. You're sexual beings with needs and desires, and you are entitled to healthy, fulfilling sexual lives, and that there's assist for your sexual problems. Everyone is entitled to a fulfilling intercourse life.

We do it however we don't like to discuss it. Sex, that is.

African-American women may be stereotyped as Lil' Kims in music movies, however for the most part, black girls might be extraordinarily prudish when it comes to discussing sex.

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That's why the outcomes of a landmark sex survey of black girls appearing in the October 2004 problem of Ebony journal sure raised a few eyebrows.

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For starters, in keeping with the survey of 8,000 ladies nationwide and abroad, brothers apparently aren't taking care of their enterprise. When requested "How satisfied are you along with your intercourse life?" 26.8 p.c of respondents said they were "somewhat glad," 13.6 % mentioned they have been "somewhat dissatisfied," and only 15.7 percent of the women mentioned they had been fully happy.

Much more telling, whereas "dishonest" is usually seen as a primarily male behavior, the Ebony sex survey found that 44.2 % of the ladies said they'd cheated on their partners, while 41.4 percent mentioned that they had not strayed.

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The 56-query survey requested concerning the sort of intercourse that the majority black ladies will not even discuss with their best associates, like what is your preferred place for intercourse and technique of penetration. That black women are inclined to draw back from overtly discussing their sexuality is comprehensible.

Black girls have been objectified and sexually abused throughout slavery and the Jim Crow period. In actual life, black teenage women are being sexually assaulted by older males, together with male relatives, at an alarming charge. As we speak, young black women are demeaned as sexual objects in rap lyrics and videos.

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Ebony's survey found that 41.9 % of black women agreed with the statement: "The stereotypical media portrayal of black girls (as free, unrestrained, bossy) has had a unfavourable impression on our sexual improvement." And about 37 p.c of respondents mentioned that they had a historical past of sexual abuse.

But the "prepared-at-the-drop-of-a-hat" black girl is basically a fable.

In accordance with the Ebony survey, though 59.7 p.c of black ladies said "masturbation is healthy and normal," 25.3 percent of those ladies stated they by no means masturbate. When requested: "How usually do you expertise orgasm?" 22 % stated "fairly often," 25.2 percent said "often," 26.4 % mentioned "typically," and 18.4 percent said "every so often."

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"This was a difficulty that we wanted to deal with," mentioned Lynn Norment, Ebony's managing editor. "I have achieved dozens of relationship stories through the years and i saw the need. There's been sex surveys about ladies typically, however black girls had been nearly a footnote in those surveys. I thought it was time for us to focus on black ladies and the problems that we face in our lives."

The survey was carried out on-line. Clearly, a web-based survey gave respondents plenty of privacy. But some respondents mailed their responses to Ebony. Still, there are indications that respondents have been uncomfortable answering some questions.

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As an illustration, consider the topic of oral sex.

Only 2.7 p.c of ladies surveyed admitted giving oral intercourse, whereas 11.6 p.c stated they have been recipients of oral intercourse, and a whopping 82.1 p.c claimed each parties engaged in oral sex. But when requested: "How usually do you expertise oral sex?", 16.9 percent said very often; 29 p.c mentioned "typically;" 21.9 percent said seldom; and 24.Four % of the respondents mentioned "sometimes."

I am unable to prove this, but 2.7 p.c appears an awful small number for givers. What that tiny quantity says to me is oral intercourse continues to be so taboo in the black community, most black ladies nonetheless won't admit to giving oral sex without getting it too.

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Most of the respondents live within the South (37.9 %), are faculty graduates (52.7 percent) and have by no means been married (50.2 p.c).

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"I'm a minister's daughter," stated Hope Ashby, the brand new York Metropolis- based mostly intercourse therapist who helped Ebony formulate the sex survey. "My mother is a Southern belle, and we didn't discuss this stuff. That is why this is quite great. Black ladies deal with the same issues as white ladies. We aren't having as a lot sex as we'd need, and when we are having sex, we're not being sexually glad," she said.

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Given the "down low" phenomenon -- that's, black men who have sex with women but do not establish themselves as gay or disclose to their female partners that they even have intercourse with men -- I used to be shocked Ebony didn't ask outright about condom use.

Forty-eight p.c of respondents mentioned they were very involved about "brothers on the down low," 16.5 % said they have been "considerably concerned," and 27.Three % mentioned they were not concerned.

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"What we did not wish to do was alienate folks from answering the questions," Ashby mentioned. "Being in your face about it makes people go the other way and never need to talk about it."

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Hopefully, Ebony's sex survey will soar-begin the real dialog.

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SISTERS Speak OUT

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1. How glad are you with your sex life? For those who have any concerns concerning where along with how you can work with huge tits waifu pics, you'll be able to e mail us on the web site.

Fully glad 15.77%

Mostly happy 25.42

Considerably glad 26.Eighty five

Somewhat dissatisfied 13.Sixty two

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Mostly dissatisfied 9.09

Fully dissatisfied 9.25

2. How often do you interact in sexual intercourse?

Each day 6.36

Once per week or extra 41.64

As soon as a month 11.Sixty nine

Two or three times a month 23.31

As soon as or twice a year 9.05

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Not at all 7.Ninety five

3. How often would you prefer to have sex?

Each day 32.01

Once every week or more 58.04

As soon as a month 1.79

Two or three times a month 6.22

Once or twice a 12 months 0.Forty four

Less than once a 12 months 0.18

Not at all 1.32

4. How often do you expertise orgasm?

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Very often 22.07

Usually 25.23

Sometimes 26.Forty three

Occasionally 18.41

By no means 7.86

5. Have you ever ever cheated on your accomplice?

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Sure 44.23

Up In Arms About Best Black Woman Onlyfans?

No 41.47

Thought of it, however did not 14.29

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The survey included 8,000 black women, most of whom answered questions online. Some mailed responses to Ebony. The survey was performed between March 8 and April 30, 2004.

APA Reference
Employees, H. (2021, December 17). Are You Happy? Ebony Asks Black Women, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, March 27 from https://www.healthyplace.com/sex/ladies/are-you-satisfied-ebony-asks-black-girls

Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD

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